An Angel Who's Always Alone

Hati, sabar ye...

2010-05-12T12:57:00.004+08:00

Nasib baik ada lagi tempat last untuk citer anonymously. Tapi, sbnrnya kalo tanak org tau tayah la post, kan.. saje jek.. Bak kata penceramah Ustaz apa ntah yg aku baca dlm emel kiriman rakan sekilang, pompuan ni mmg suka meluahkn prasaan nye. Bukan bertujuan mengaibkan mana2 pihak, sekadar melepaskan prasaan gitu.

So, again.. aku melepaskn prasaan sedih kat sini. Tak bleh FB @ Tweet-tweet, sbb org kenal. Tanak kongsi sedih dgn org kenal (x kenal takpe). Nanti org kesian. Tak suke. Nanti org tanya2. Lagi nyampah. Aku janji dgn diri sendri takkan buat mcm tu kat org lain. 2 bende pantang ditanya: kawin + anak. Dapat kad, maknanya kawin la. Kalo kawin tp ko x dpt kad, maknanya ko x best. Haha.

Yusma-Kamarul pregnant. Pg td dlm meeting aku tau. Tangkap dlm ulu ati trus. Sama time Femy-Kamal dulu. Org lain aku x rasa sgt. Mayb sbb diorng paling rapat & paling beraktiviti sama2 kot. Aku sampai baca date tu 2kali dlm usaha bgtau diri sendri yang komentar tu x benar. Hanya rekaan semata-mata. Kalau nk ckp jujur, ada gak rasa tak suke. Jahat ke aku? Perasaan temporary je kot. Tengah down kan. Bagi can la diri sendiri.

SMS E terus, tp sempat letak smiley :). E kol tp x smpt ckp. E sms suke. Selang bbrape minit, E sms lagi. This time pujuk aku. Mmg dia boleh tau aku rasa apa, even aku blum bgtau dia. Aku kol. Terus la ujan rintik2. Sikit.

Ok, tu je. Da puas. Senyum balik.

Semalam

2010-05-05T02:08:00.003+08:00

Haishhh.. kena serang rasa tak best pulak malam ni. Rasa kelabu. Rasa tak penting. Ingin tahu, kalau tiba-tiba satu hari aku takde atas muka bumi ni, ada ke orang perasan. Risaunye aku sampai aku tak sanggup nak tanya diri sendiri, ada ke orang yang akan miss aku? Aku tak maksudkan mak, abah, kak maya & jantung hati aku, irfan. Aku tak perlu risau tentang tu. Aku percaya. (Tetiba dapat satu pemahaman baru tentang 'percaya').

Maksud aku, orang lain. Termasuklah E. Bak kata orang, lelaki mati bini, tanah merah lagi dah dapat bini baru. Berapa lama E akan ingat aku, menangis rindukan aku? Kawan-kawan? Sejujurnya aku tak yakin akan ada rakan yang betul-betul ikhlas akan mengenang aku kalau aku pergi. Tapi, bila diingat-ingat balik, aku dah lama tak berteman rapat untuk satu tempoh yang lama. Dah jadi macam trend pulak, berjumpa sekali, terus bertemu lagi esoknya, atau minggu depannya. Dan selepas pertemuan kali ke-beberapa, bergantung pada keadaan, hubungan itu jadi senyap. Janji untuk bertemu lagi biasanya akan tertunda.

Rasa tak berapa nak best ni datang sebab tangan gatal ni yang meng'sms' kawan lama. Kawan sangat rapat satu masa dulu. Kawan yang aku aim akan jadi kawan dunia akhirat. Kawan waktu muda, waktu gila. Kawan yang aku sayang. Dan aku yakin, aku masih sayang sampai sekarang. Kalau tak, tak kan timbul rasa terkilan dalam hati bila aku tak lagi dalam lingkungan 'kawan'.

Aku cari-cari sekelumit bukti, tapi hampa. Memang aku dah takde dalam lingkungan 'kawan'. Mereka mereka. Aku aku. Tapi Mereka berkawan. Aku satu.

Takpe. E ada.

Kelakar

2010-05-05T01:48:00.004+08:00

Benda yg baru jadi ni, buat aku tergerak terus amik cektop & bukak blogspot akaun ni, setelah sekian lama... (suke word ni - stelah skian lame). Aku & E telah difitnah oleh seorang yg penah jadi kawan. Fitnah membabitkan bomoh..nyiat ensong mate kaji semarengeseng!

Dikatanya kami ber2 membomohkan dia.. dan dia jumpa satu bungkusan kecik berbalut kain ke plastik ke tak pasti la pulak.. jumpa dalam bilik kat umah dia.. dia tunjuk kat kawan kami yang bercerita ni.. sebagai bukti.. sebab dengki kat dia.. dan sebab kami ni jahil agama.. katanya.. :)

Aku cerita pada mak, abah & kak Mai. Gelak besar diorang. Kak Mai kata dari kitorng bomohkan dia, baik kitorang pi berubat untuk pregnant. Heheee..

Cerita kat Kamal & Syarol, pun dapat gelak jugak.. sambil mengapi-api untuk sekolah kan 'kawan' sorang ni.. sekolah dalam erti kata sebenar - 'sekolah'.

Cerita kat geng DIVA, reaksi semua orang pelik dengan motif 'kawan' ni. Apa faedahnya? Kenapa? Last2 Kak Yus buat summary: memang dia mental.

Paling kelakar respon dari Syuk. "Dia tu hidup dalam gua kot."

Yang penting, kami terhibur. Thanks! ;D

SEDIH

2009-11-04T05:04:00.003+08:00

So, it's confirmed. GAGAL. Memang dah jangka. Tapi tentulah harapan still lagi tinggi menggunung. Tapi u can never undo the past. I did it terribly. Sekadar mengharapkan miracle to happen without usaha, memang harapan tinggal harapan je lah. Oh, dan kekecewaan. Sekian.

Hari Raya Hamper

2009-09-18T03:51:00.015+08:00

The management must have an agenda in their mind when out of the blue they decided to give the employees a hamper for this coming Hari Raya. After the massive contract workers retrenchment early this year and almost half pay cut for the operators, they distributes coupons for exchange with a hamper.

I admit that I am quite overjoyed when I received the FOOD hamper. I tore it as soon as I reached home. But the items were quite a disappointment though. Apart from most of it are just a big box with a much smaller contents, the brand are also very alien to me. Seriously, I have never seen that brand ever sold neither in hypermarket like Tesco nor a small grocery store near my house. Even if Carrefour selling it (they are the contractor) I bet you these brands sit at the lowest & farthest shelf!

Me - all fired up opening up the hamper :p

Anchovies snack.. well... :-/

I like this. I just can't stop munching.

This is a credit.. CADBURY!

The Belo choc.. yummy :)

A box of dates. Its 3 more days to Raya.

Banana chips..with wrong spelling of 'kelepek' instead of 'kerepek'!
And fish chips.

Then the 3-in-1 Teh Tarik.. And its not a Power Root.

House brand of Orange bottle & Pa'la brand lychee syrup..
never heard of, right?

It's not that I'm not grateful, all of these are edible anyways. But, do they seriously think we'd be happy with a basket of cheap foods in exchange of one third of our salary? Bummer!

So Long, M.J.

2009-06-26T22:20:00.005+08:00

I was driving to work when I first heard of Michael Jackson's death. As everybody else, I couldn't believe my ears when Richard Reed (I seriously don't know his name) mentioned MJ's name on the Hitz.fm. His sudden and shocking departed has left the whole stunned.

The very first time I got to know MJ's songs was thru a relative. Of course I was very young at that time, maybe 8 or 9. That relative was a teenager, and his owned a hi-fi stereo, and I was in his room, so fascinated with the stereo and was trying very-very hard to resist the temptation to push the buttons. I listened to his songs, one after another until end of tape, and then thanks to the auto-played technology I got to listens to the second cassette.

That's how I came to know and immediately fall in love with his songs, and him :). And now, he is gone. I have to admit that he had been long gone from my current favourites, but today's news brought back the memories, and more importantly reminding world once again, that he IS Michael Jackson, the ultimate one and only, and will always be the one.

I'll be missing you, thank you for the emotion you've flooded my heart with your songs and performances. Moga Allah mencucuri rahmat atas rohmu. Al-Fatihah.

Hope and Frustration

2009-03-12T02:46:00.004+08:00

Be careful of what you wish for...coz when it didn't turn out the way you expected, it can bring tears to the eyes. That's what happen to me earlier tonight. Me & E have been trying for a year now. So when my period is late for nearly a week, I've started putting hope, which I kept for myself. Coz if I tell E, he surely will advice me not to, fear I'll be hurt. Making it worse, I let my mind wandering, manipulating myself. Its like I can feel the joy, carrying my child inside of me, the joy I'd bring to our parents, up to the extend of re-scheduling upcoming trip (coz we'll be going to Sabah next month & Bandung in October). I calculated how months I'd be by then and whether I fit for the trip or not.

So, when it's confirmed that we failed again this month, the tears came running. Which is not good. And proving E's advice is totally true. But I can't help it. And I don't want to lie to myself.

Guess I need to re-check my hope and expectation. And to try harder next time!

Happy Birthday, Darling!

2009-02-18T13:12:00.019+08:00

February each year means celebration. No, not because of Valentine's Day, but on the 12th, that is E's birthday and on the 16th, my sis, Kak Maya's birthday. So, E turned 30 this year... hmm, quite a number haha.. (dun get angry darling, I'll be joining you in a few months). I did a simple party at home. Since I don't cook, I'd figured it's the best time to play the hostess, cook a few simple food and invite our families to come over.

I don't want to cook white rice, because it means I need to cook the side dishes. So, to make things easy (for me, obviously) I cooked Pineapple Fried Rice with fried chicken. Clever, huh :). I fried some curry puff as well. And I bought cute little cuppacakes for dessert.

The fathers

The mothers

I wanted E to feel special on his birthday this time. He turned 30, so I don't want him to get upset. I planned a surprised party with Rai. Lucky that she didn't have other plans. The plan is to meet up after we went to gym. So she came with Khairul, and Yana & Paez tagged along.

We went out from gym and saw Khairul & Paez outside the Rainforest Bar, smoking. We chat a few minutes and they ask us to join them upstairs. E didn't suspected a thing! He came up, and greeted by the band singer, singing Happy Birthday.

Then E being asked to do something. They ask him to stand on a beer barrel and do the strip dance. They actually ask him to take off his shirt! Oh, pity him, I didn't know that is how they celebrate birthday at this bar. E was sporting, dancing away to Crazy... what a crazy night...

Happy Birthday darling.. wishing you happy & success years ahead. Love u always..

Beautiful Things

2009-02-01T18:42:00.011+08:00

Have you ever sitting alone, thinking of all the bad things people done to you, or happened to you? Well, I did that a lot. Yeah, that doesn't sound good. It's like surrounded by black cloud, and sometimes I did think "AM I GOTHIC or something?"

But often I awaken by something beautiful around me. Like a simple smile from a stranger. I remember on time, when I studied Matriculations in Penang, very far from my parents and sister, and I don't have any real friends nearby me. I was on my way back from KL, sitting alone in the ferry to Penang, torn in between going back to campus, or catch the first bus back to KL, when all of sudden, this Chinese girl who standing not far from me, looking at me and smile. It's just a simple smile, but it brought something to my heart. I could feel the sincerity, and I feel like I can embrace the warmth. That is one smile that I would never ever forget for the rest of my life.

Let me show you something beautiful & cute. The choc chips popped out after dipped in milk. Isn't it beautiful?

Sick

2009-02-01T00:26:00.002+08:00

I am sick. I'm lying in bed, tearry eyes, very, VERY itchy nose, breath heavily.. Just drank diluted soluble water (is that correct? Soluble? Panadol made specially for cold fever). I can't think properly now.. Got to sleep... (sneezed, again...)

Not good feeling, not good, not good... And here comes the headache...

Where r my pics???

2009-01-30T22:35:00.002+08:00

F***ing annoying!!!

I sent my laptop for re-formatting last sat. I came to work, turned on that stupid square grey thing, and nothing appeared, except for 5 lines of numbers and a few words, which, obviously, I did not understand.

Sent it out for repair, and the first thing that IT guy asked me was, when was the last time I re-boot it. Oh-oh...! It must been ages..since I can't really remember I click on re-boot 'NOW' button EACH time that notification appears.

When I first receive this thing in my hand now, I didn't realize anything different, or missing in particular. (Oh, I can be so ignorant at times :P). Only when I browse into some subfolder, I noticed that some things weren't there. What suck the most, my pics are missing. I don't really give a damn, if my paperwork or any database missing... but my pics!!! How am I going to retrieve it? Lucky that I kept most of my pics in E's external hard disc. Only some pics with my co-worker, bosses and a few other that I haven't transferred to the hard disc are missing.

I consider myself as IT-illiterate, but I'll ensure next time, when that little window pop-up, directly do as instructed!!

New Toy iPod Touch 2G

2008-12-13T16:46:00.013+08:00

E bought me an iPod Touch! I'm so thrilled :).

We didn't plan to buy one, actually. You know the phrase; 1 thing led to another? Yeah, that's pretty much what happened. While I was enjoying my all-girls holiday in Jakarta, E kills his time wandering around looking, testing, practising his mixing skill. So much that I received text from him all the way from KL telling me that he wants to buy a Numark iDJ Mixer.

Whilst cDJ function with CDs, iDJ works either with USB or and iPod. Both E & me are not really into gadget type, so we never thought of buying an iPod or changing our hphone frequently just so we have the current technologies in our hand. So when the opportunity came, we decide.. What the heck, let's just buy the best ahaa!

So now, I have an iPod Touch, I'm feeling like the world is at my fingertips... And I'm liking it.. Every minute passing by... Lalala

And as you might guess, I'm posting this from my new toy, of course!

Wasted @ SPQR

2008-11-08T16:11:00.000+08:00

I am not a drinker, not a good one. Very easy to get drunk, and also very easy to puke eewww haha.. So last night we went to Din's place at SPQR, The Weld. We didn't know that it was the last night for Din there, so it turned out to be like a farewell party, with Din's last mixing to serve us all.

Of coz we went with Yusma + Kamarul. Arrive around 9.30pm. The boss wasn't there, and there wasn't too much customer also. I ordered fish & chip, while E ordered lamb chop. I want to try something else, but most of the recommended finish already...bummer!!

First drink came, it was the apple mojito. Came with some mint leaves inside, very nice. Not yet finish, Din mixed me a cosmo. E got jealous haha sorry darling, the cosmos are meant for ladies only.. During our meal, came the summer dream. It's white wine. Didn't really like it, it's too dry for me. Plus, I always prefer red wine. Then, the margarita came hehe... Classic, yet nice :)

Yusma staring at B52

I love the next drink, the B52. I don't know what's in it, but I saw Din put some Bailey's in it. No wonder it taste sweet. It's a shot. And I like to see the flame on top of it. Din didn't let the fire linger too long, for a reason. I forgot what the reason is teeheehee..

My bladder's full, and my habit, if I start going to toilet, in this kind of situation, I ended up keep visiting the loo very often. Hate my habit!! When I came back, I saw E got a man's drink, around the world. Even Din prohibit me from taste it. Din mixed us espresso martini next. Hmm, don't really remember how it taste now lalala....

E & me, berkasih sayang...

Tequila shot was next. I remembered at Azie's birthday party, I had numerous of tequila shots and didn't feel a thing, didn't drunk nor hangover the next day. But frequent visit to the loo, yes.. Maybe ladies not easily drunk if they took shots only.

Last in the line was the con la mosca. Din told us, it's best to close the session with this drink, as it is made from some sort of healing leaves or something. Then E made some comments about being a professional drinker. Hahaha, is there such thing???

We are supposed to go to Borneo, Sunway to meet with Yana. But my head spins terribly already. I went out to get some fresh air. It's only get worst. Last resort, I puked. And puked. And puked some more. Ouh, very typical me. E got to carry me to the car. All the way back, I slept. So embarrasing.. I even got a souvenir from Din, a champange bucket for me to throw up in the car. Eewwwww....

The Outing

2008-10-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

This post is referred to Bummer!

After merajuk for a whole day because E didn't bring me out, today we went to The Curve, yay! I bought a sling bag from Esprit (my all-time fav brand :D), and E got himself a British India's shirt. I was torn between CKJeans sling bag & Esprit. The CKJ design & material is superb, unfortunately the strap is unadjustable.

There's a denim skirt which I love, but they don't have my size, hmm gotta look at another outlet later...

We had dinner at The Laundry, and we stumble upon Femy having dinner with her friends. Fem & Kamal are just moved into their new house yesterday. We plan to have gathering there once they have settled down. Talking bout taking advantage of other people's new home teeheehee...

Since the above date, we had gone out many times than I can count. To be fair, I cannot be complaining about this issue in the first place. E never failed me, whenever I want to go out, anywhere he'll bring me. Unless of course, if he got to work. And then, my problem arise again... haih, it's really time for me to start looking for another job, one with normal working hour condition.

Bummer!

2008-10-25T13:33:00.000+08:00

I seriously think I'd be crazy any minutes from now... Seriously I need to get out, have some UV rays on me, that should cure my mind, at least. I feel like I've been trap inside for so long I can't even remember. Why is it so hard to get out. Well, I don't like to go out alone, wandering in the mall by my self, urghh I feel pathetic just to imagine it. So I'm waiting for

(i've been interrupted by my boss, takashima-san 2 times already)

ok cont.. So I wait for the weekend to come, so that I can go out with my hubby (who else), shopping, dining out, golfing or any other things, whatever but to sit inside. But guess what, he just left with his father, they went out to buy a new laptop. Urgghh, and I've been left alone... isk isk...

(i'm actually still on the line with takashima-san now)

Luckily now I have you. You, blogger.com, shall be my new best friend, to hear all my whining without ever complaining..

Makan-makan Raya

2008-10-25T11:12:00.000+08:00

Since my schedule saling tak tumpah like Nepalese, I haven't been to many open house this year. So, out of 'geram', I manage to steal sometime and do my own Open House, YAY!!!

Coz me myself never be a good cook, I decided to do it as simple as possible, from the menu and the guests. I ended up inviting some of my relatives, no neighbours (yes, I'm that bad) and most of the invites went to my colleague.

First came the families and some of the TIers. (unable to load pics, bummer!)

Then came my party friends... I purposely ask them to lepak outside first, because I want them to be the last to leave, so that we can party after all orang tua go back teeheehee...

Newly wed Krol + Rai, the brother-Farid, the roomies Yana + Erja, another newly wed Kamarol + Yusma, & angel

I keep having problem posting some more pics, so this is all for now... will try later.

Never Will

2008-10-25T10:50:00.000+08:00

I've come to conclusion today :-

i WILL NEVER understand what's exactly in his mind, no matter how hard I tried to.

Well, guess I 'm not the only 'other half' for the 'other half' that is having this problems. If not they won't be any break-ups, clashes and divorces for centuries. The word 'divorce' may not even invented, huh...

I might be the one who started this war. But hey, we gals have been given the privilege to get cranky for no reason once a month. So guys, just bear with it. A box of chocolate won't hurt. If you guys dont' have any problems with it during courting period, why now? Do you guys think that after marriage/serious long term relationship, our 'once-a-month-cranky-period' will stop? NOoo...